Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Potlucks are for the other religions

A favorite Protestant blog-read of mine, Internet Monk, has a regular feature that asks representatives of various Christian traditions to answer a question regarding liturgy, church life, etc.

This week's question was: What foods would be served at a potluck meal that most represented your church tradition?
I loved the Anglican response, given by the Rev. Peter Vance Matthews:

First, proper Anglicans do not have potlucks. We have catered dinners (or at the
very least common meals.) Potlucks are for the other religions. Ahem.

The catered dinner is served on fine china with matching silver. We want
to be green AND stylish.

No salads. We have fresh greens with an array
of balsamic and vinaigrette dressings. There is absolutely no ranch dressing
allowed! Oh, we might have bok choy as an alternative, but only on special

Steamed asparagus is a favorite for a vegetable. When
asparagus is not available we will often substitute Rapini.

Sliced bread
is never found at an Anglican dinner. It must be unsliced and chewy. Easily
chewed bread is simply to bourgeois.

If there is a meat dish it is small
and light – lemon chicken or smoked salmon. Meat loaf, party sized wieners and
tuna fish are not allowed. There are other churches for those things.

Anglicans find casseroles unseemly.

For drink there is mineral
water and herbal teas. After dinner, the wet bar is open and offers a fine
assortment of import beers, scotch, gin, wine and the traditional Anglican drink
– sherry.

At Easter we add cake and champagne. One can’t be too joyous
when celebrating our Lord’s resurrection, can one? (There is always large
amounts of champagne because of the corollary between the amount of champagne
and the level of joy. I.e., the more champagne the more joy!)

Oh, and by
the way, reservations are required.